Jake’s World News

(week of October 9th 2015)

Jake Herrick, Reporter

China has elected to end the “one child policy,” a cap put on families allowing them to produce only one child. China was growing faster than it had anticipated, the policy was initially made to limit the proliferation of population allowing job growth to meet that of the population. However, the unforeseen consequence of this law was parents killing their children. Because culturally males are valued more greatly, many of the females born were killed because traditionally in China aging parents would be tended to by the son and his wife. So, in order to ensure their future safety, parents of children did the only logical thing and purposely, lost, maimed, and aborted their child until it was a boy. The unintended consequence is that, well the few women born and kept are floating in a sea of chopsticks. Sexual assault numbers have risen, as have all around violence against women. China’s two child policy will supposedly remedy this problem, or you know, just allow parents to birth two sons.


Bernie Sanders has officially began to back recreational use of marijuana. Vermont, home state of Bernie Sanders is next on the chopping block, but when the most famous product of your state is ice cream made by two whose love of marijuana rivaled that of Cheech and Chong, who you are trying to fool.


Hurricane Patricia began her rampage through Mexico and the southern coast. The national weather service reports it as one of the largest pacific hurricanes to make landfall in history. Scientist are acknowledging the catastrophe as evidence to support theories of climate change. One thing is for sure Patricia will sweep you off your feet.


Ben Fields, a resource officer for the South Carolina’s Spring Valley high school is under investigation after a video of him grabbing an African American student by the neck and shoulders, flipping her and her desk onto the ground and dragging her out of the classroom, was released. Sheriff of the town reportedly “denied allegation that the action was racially motivated,” said Education Weekly. Though if we are all honest with ourselves here, that’s probably a lie.


Ted Cruz, republican candidate for president and longtime representative of Texas, said in an interview with Glenn Beck, “climate change is not science it is religion.” Then going even further to say that scientists do not cite any facts in favor of their position on climate change. Only then to top himself saying, “the essence of the scientific method is to start with a hypothesis, then look to the evidence to disprove the hypothesis,” Ted Cruz during the interview often refers to himself as a skeptic, and therefore a scientist, suggesting that not only should we question those who have devoted countless hours of their lives to research something -anything- but also deny the evidence presented. So as we sit in our barren wasteland of a state, and scuffle along the bed of Lake Travis, we may marvel at the fruit of our labor, Ted Cruz, not only because the metaphorical fruit is potentially the only fruit we can grow, but the fact that Cruz can not only exist, but thrive as a member of congress.
Ben Carson is facing allegations for backing Mannatech, a company who sells “glyconutrients,” along with other fictitious remedies reported to have the capability to cure cancer and even autism. He first advertised the product by stating a decade ago that it helped him overcome prostate cancer. Mannatech has been under investigation by various groups because of its tendency to stretch the truth. Mannatech offers ‘cures’ for a more, let’s say, evangelical background. The ‘holy cure’ is really just aloe Vera, but if you would rather be cured by placebo than a doctor be my guest.