![Walking through the tunnel created by the cheerleaders and Celebrities, senior Frances Tran smiles as the soccer team is sent off during DEN for their playoff game against Rouse tonight. Tran said the wins against Smithson Valley and Alamo Heights gave the team a morale boost to take on the Raiders tonight. “I know we were not 100% confident in those games,” Tran said. “But, Rouse is a big opponent for sure. We’re definitely going into tonight with a lot of morale [because of the previous wins].”](https://cphswolfpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/frances-tran.jpg)
![Holding a bucket of materials in one hand and a roll of tape in another, anatomy and biology teacher Tyler Terry prepares for a lab. Terry said his proudest moments are when his students are happy to see him. “When I take my wife to a football game or something and a bunch of students want to say hi to me or they like to smile and wave and it just makes me feel good that the students are really kind and supportive of me,” Terry said. “[I’m also] proud when I see students perform really well in their extracurriculars because I can see how hard they’re working in my classes, [so] when I see that they’re also working so hard in other things. Like they’re winning band competitions or they’re getting awards for their theater productions, or I see them put on their choir shows, that’s like, wow, you guys are incredible.”](https://cphswolfpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Rags-6.png)
![Catching a ball, junior Alivia Robinson plays at the Cedar Park vs Glenn game. Having played since she was 5 years old, she is dedicated to softball and has committed to UTPB for softball. “When I got my offer it took me a very long time to decide where,” Robinson said. “Softball has always been my dream for college, and UTPB is my fit. When [I committed] I knew I was going to be loved and supported.”](https://cphswolfpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Lilly-Adams-3.13aliviaedit-901.jpg)
![Holding her dog, Nova, senior Ariana Balakrishnan poses for her senior pictures while Nova wears a bandana with her college decision. Balakrishnan applied to 18 colleges in total, but she decided on Columbia in the end. “Right before I clicked the button to open Columbia’s letter, I literally looked at the camera and go ‘This is just gonna really suck because I wanted it so bad,’ and I clicked it and all of a sudden you hear trumpets,” Balakrishnan said. “There’s a video that plays when you open it and I actually didn’t watch the video, I just watched the screen go black, because every day of December before ED [Early Decision] I would go on YouTube and watch the acceptance video to manifest it, so immediately when the screen went black, I started screaming and jumping up and down. And my parents in the video are like ‘What are you doing, where’s the letter,’ and I was just screaming ‘I got in, I got in.” I just started crying, and it just felt like everything in the world came together.”](https://cphswolfpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/ariana-2-300x217.jpg)
I know, another movie review article written by Mia Morneault, first year Wolfpack reporter. But you guys just have to hear me out on this one, because for the year of 2024, I am watching a movie every day.
Is this new year’s resolution feasible? Kinda.
Did I do it? I did. At least for January.
Some of these movies I have seen before, and some I haven’t. As much as I like to watch a good movie, I saw a fair share of really bad movies. So for this list, I will be adding a new rating system, just to avoid confusion. As always, my opinion is the only right one, so you know you can trust me.
- “The Thing” (1982)
Length: 109 Minutes
How to watch: Amazon
Rating: 10/10
“I would let Kurt Russell yell at me all day.”
I was so incredibly glad that this movie was the first film I saw for 2024, and was also the 300th movie I have logged on Letterboxd. My only regret is that I didn’t see this movie sooner, as it is one of the best horror movies I have ever seen. I don’t think I have screamed more in my life over a movie. Every scene with The Thing made my skin crawl. The practical effects are nothing short of phenomenal, the pacing is nearly perfect, and the whole time I was so enthralled with everybody’s performance. This is one of the most perfect movies of all time, and once again, my opinion is always the correct one.
- “Palm Springs” (2020)
Length: 90 minutes
How to watch: Hulu
Rating: 10/10
“Have you ever seen a movie and then not know how to feel about it but you know that it impacted you in such a heavy way? Yeah me neither that’s crazy… 👀”
This movie changed my life and I mean that whole heartedly. If Andy Samberg has 0 fans, then I am dead. “Palm Springs” is a masterclass in realistic sci-fi, and I recommend this movie to anyone who either loves time-loop movies, or if they are emotionally unwell. This being said, those demographics are less of a Venn diagram, and more akin to a circle. This movie has such a stacked cast, and it really pays off. This movie is a fantastic love story that features some of the most insane characters, story beats, and concepts I have ever seen in a movie. Andy Samberg is hilarious, J.K. Simmons is heartbreakingly amazing, and Cristin Milioti is phenomenal every time she plays a realistic depiction of an emotionally exhausted woman living in a nightmare that is controlled by external forces. And I say “every time” because I can name one other movie where this happens to her. My point is, watch this movie, because it is really good.
- “Bruce Almighty” (2003)
Length: 101 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 8/10
“This man changed the tides of his life… seriously, this man pulled the moon closer to him and caused a devastating natural disaster and it is glossed over the whole rest of the movie.”
What a beautiful movie. B-E-A-Utiful. I’ve always imagined that God would sound and look like Morgan Freeman, so this movie really validated that thought. Jim Carrey is stunningly hilarious in this, and Steve Carrell is really underrated in this movie. There were a few moments in the movie where I was taken out by some of the poor visuals, but it was 2003, there were worse issues going on in the world.
- “Saw II” (2005)
Length: 93 minutes
How to watch: Amazon
Rating: 6/10
“If you survive one of these traps, you gotta deal with the medical bills, and all that does is fund the American healthcare system, the true villain.”
This movie is… fine? Look, I like “Saw”, but it’s more like it’s an iconic enough horror movie because of its shock value, and I respect that. The series is decent, the traps are cool, but the main point of the series feels like it’s just shock value for shock value sake. That’s not necessarily the worst thing, like I said, I liked the movie. I just wish there was a little more.
5-8. “Alvin and The Chipmunks, The Squeakquel, Chipwrecked, and Road Chip” (2007, 2009, 2011, 2015)
Length: Too long.
How to watch: Amazon, but don’t watch them
Rating: 3.75/10
“David Cross should be awarded a purple heart for being in these movies.”
I never want to watch these ever again. If these were the last movies I ever saw, I would die a sad, cold, frail, shell of a woman. My thoughts while watching these, in order, were “Does Jason Lee see the chipmunks in real life like a hallucination,” to “How did David Cross get trapped doing these movies,” then “Please somebody get David Cross off of this boat”, and finally, “I miss David Cross so much, but I’m glad he escaped.” The only thoughts that come to me now while thinking about these movies are rage induced. I’m all for animal rights, but I would throw Simon out of a high speed moving vehicle. Preferably into oncoming traffic. Unfortunately, he would survive being flattened like a pancake because of cartoon logic, and he could just reinflate himself by blowing into his thumb. Don’t watch these.
- “Lights Out” (2013)
Length: 3 minutes
How to watch: Youtube
Rating: 6/10
“This man made Shazam after this. And I can’t tell if it is a downgrade or upgrade.”
This is basically “Jumpscare: The Movie.” That isn’t to say it isn’t scary, it is. But for a three minute short film based around a girl who can only be seen in the dark, it doesn’t really have a lot to say. It is a very thrilling short film while watching, and incredibly boring when it is over.
- “Black Mirror: White Bear” (2013)
Length: 42 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 7/10
“Least intense Impractical Jokers punishment for Murr.”
This is the most “basic” episode of “Black Mirror” if that makes sense. It is what many people say is the best starting point, but man do I disagree. This episode is good, it has a great plot twist, it’s heartbreaking, and I felt betrayed. But it just isn’t the best episode. Still, give it a watch, but then watch the other better episodes like “Shut Up And Dance” and “Nosedive.”
- “Tall Girl” (2019)
Length: 101 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 3/10
“Move out of the way Chekhov’s gun, and say hello to Jack’s milk crate.”
What hasn’t been said about this movie? It is so laughably bad, and I hope Sabrina Carpenter gets her revenge for having to say the line “You’re my big little sister.” I had to pause the movie, run around in a circle, and yell at the screen due to the cringe-inducing lines at least five times throughout the runtime. Just watch a commentary video about the movie instead, it’s much better and takes less time.
- “The Purge” (2013)
Length: 86 minutes
How to watch: Amazon
Rating: 5/10
“If you just watch the kill count video on YouTube you can probably save an hour or so of your time and do more important things like visit family or donate to charity.”
I was so bored in this movie. I know it’s iconic, I know it is scary, but at least make it interesting. This dystopian movie changes everything, and while this time you aren’t rooting for the people who are being ruled by the system, you end up rooting FOR the system. We follow a family of rich people in a gated community try to defend themselves, and it is overwhelmingly fine. I am not even overwhelmed. I’m perfectly whelmed.
- “The Other Guys” (2010)
Length: 107 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 7/10
“Aim for the bushes?”
Good cop comedy movie, nothing else to say. This movie is very action packed and hilarious, and Will Ferrell knocks it out of the park once again. Other than that, not much to write home about. I would watch it again, but mostly as a background noise thing.
- “Whiplash” (2014)
Length:
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 10/10
“I think this movie is just about how I need to work harder. And that is the only message I got from this movie.”
Dude, these cats are cooking. I love this movie with all my heart, from the soundtrack to the performance to the lighting, it’s amazing. I have actively been listening to this movie’s score on Spotify, and I have cried to it twice, not because it’s sad or anything, I just found it really good and I am emotional. I think it’s such a heartbreaking story, and yet one of the most thrilling and tense movies of all time. This is my favorite “film bro” movie.
- “Nerdy Prudes Must Die” (2023)
Length: 148 minutes
How to watch: Youtube
Rating: 10/10
“ ‘I used to dance…’ and 10 other fun phrases to ruin your day.”
This is once again another obligatory Starkid Productions mention, and I rewatched it with the sole intention of putting this in an official piece of CPHS News media. However, do not let that distract you from the fact that this is one of the best comedy musicals of all time, and the soundtrack has made me cry on multiple occasions. While being the third full length musical in a multiversal anthology musical series that spans through full stage productions and two seasons of a web series, this may be my favorite musical of all time. This takes the classic slasher movie format of a serial killer taking the lives of hot teens, and flips it on its head, hence why only “Nerdy Prudes” must die. The breakout role of Max Jaegerman as a generic high school bully who is near redemption, only to become a literal monster via supernatural causes is one of the best creative choices of all time. The entire cast of this musical is immaculate. Angela Giarratna as Grace Chasity is nothing short of electric, and Joey Ricter and Mariah Rose Faith have incredible chemistry. Jon Matteson knocks it out of the park, and Lauren Lopez gives one of the best ballad performances of all time. This is by far, a must watch. And you should also watch the entire series, just to be safe, of course.
- “Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping” (2016)
Length: 86 minutes
How to watch: Hulu
Rating: 10/10
“The Donkey Roll was the best. That’s the reason why I dance today!”
I touched on this previously when talking about “Palm Springs,” but I am a huge Lonely Island fan. I listen to them, I love all their movies, and this combines both of those things. This mockumentary made me feel so many emotions, and yet I was still laughing the entire way through. There are so many fantastic songs in this movie, and it’s all so funny. “Finest Girl”, “I’m So Humble”, and “Equal Rights” are the huge standouts, but the entire album is amazing and it’s on Spotify. If a song was featured for 30 seconds, the full version is on the soundtrack. Tim Meadows is also so incredible, and I laughed the hardest at his lines. There are countless cameos from famous musicians and artists to fully tie the documentary style through. I don’t want to say too much without spoiling the movie, so please take my word for it.
- “Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers” (2022)
Length: 99 minutes
How to watch: Youtube
Rating: 8/10
“Dude, Chip did the Donkey Roll. That’s the reason why I dance today!”
I think this movie is really cute, and I think it was as good as a “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” inspired movie could be. That doesn’t mean it was the best movie of all time, far from it, but this movie didn’t make me feel like pulling my hair out from all the cameos, and they were actually kind of nice.
- “The Strange Thing About The Johnsons” (2011)
Length: 29 minutes
How to watch: Youtube
Rating: 8/10
This is the most serious review I will write.. No jokes, no bits, that’s how depressing this movie was. It is genuinely so terrifying, horrifying, and downright upsetting. To label this as a “dark comedy,” somebody needs to check up on Ari. He is not okay, and his artwork is incredible because of it.
- “Coraline” (2009)
Length: 100 minutes
How to watch: Amazon
Rating: 7/10
“Do not watch this movie while eating spaghetti.”
I watched this movie while eating spaghetti and I made a horrible choice. I do not expect to be forgiven for this. This movie is fine. Look, I’m sorry that I don’t see it how everybody else sees the film. I think it’s great stop-motion animation, horrifyingly great. But I just don’t get how everybody thinks this is one of the best animated movies of all time, it isn’t even the best stop-motion animated movie of all time. Maybe on rewatch, my opinion will change and I will like the movie more and more. But as of now, it’s just a great movie, not a phenomenal one.
- “Oh, Hello On Broadway” (2017)
Length: 102 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 10/10
“Again with our character differences?!
This is by far one of John Mulaney and Nick Kroll’s best pieces of work. This performance is spectacular in every way. I think nearly every joke in this is nothing short of gut-busting, my stomach hurt the whole time in the best way possible. Steve Martin makes a special appearance halfway through, and it was one of the best little halftime performances of all time. It’s perhaps the best play inside of a play, and the integrity to not break character once throughout the whole thing is so impressive. Please watch this.
- “Scooby-Doo” (2002)
Length: 88 Minutes
How to watch: Max
Rating: 9/10
“It was a talking dog, you know what I mean?”
This movie is so silly. James Gunn had the intention of writing this for an adult audience, only for it to be cut and reduced to a PG film. And even when faced with that, he made one of the best adaptations of a classic franchise to date. Rowan Atkinson has one of the best supporting character roles of all time in this, and I think about him a lot. Outkast made like, a third of the soundtrack, and it goes UNBELIEVABLY hard. This has been fully solidified as my favorite movie of all time as a child, and I just love it terribly so.
- “Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed” (2004)
Length: 93 Minutes
How to watch: Max
Rating: 9/10
“There is a scene where an old man tries to enlist children into a mining facility for free, and it’s the best scene in the movie.”
This one is a much more faithful adaptation of the Scooby-Doo franchise as a whole, and a real great look into the psyche of characters such as Norville “Shaggy” Rogers and Fredrick Jones. In a sense of doubt, insignificance, and being faced with sheer demolition of self esteem, they come out on top. I believe it was Socrates who said “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing,” and we truly see this play out in the third act of the movie. At its core, “Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed” is about the indomitable human spirit.
- “Booksmart” (2019)
Length: 102 minutes
How to watch: Amazon
Rating: 9/10
“I was never booksmart, I’m money smart. Makes me more intelligent.”
This movie is like “Superbad” but for queer people, don’t worry, I can say that, because I’ve seen “Superbad.” It’s about two high school seniors about to graduate, they try to impress people at parties, wacky hijinks ensue, emotional conflict due to said hijinks, conflict resolved, they make their merry way on with life. Only downside to this movie is that there is no replacement for McLovin, but I don’t think this movie really needed it.
- “#Roxy” (2018)
Length: 100 minutes
How to watch: Apple TV
Rating: 2/10
“Danny Trejo’s best role.”
This movie is a… remake? Reboot? Remaster? It is the same plot to an older movie, “Roxanne,” in which a girl falls for a man’s looks, but another man’s brains. The only thing that is wrong about this man, is that he has a comically large nose. And I mean COMICALLY. You know when Spongebob uses his nose as an instrument and starts playing the flute, think of that. Now obviously, because it’s a remake, this man needs to not only be unconventionally attractive, he also has to be a hacker. These are his two personality traits, and the movie coasts in them heavily. I think this is the kind of movie to watch with your friends and just laugh at. It’s horrible, but good horrible.
- “Hot Rod” (2007)
Length: 88 minutes
How to watch: Amazon
Rating: 10/10
“Imagine if Evel Knievel did the coolest trick of all time, and suddenly Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer came out of nowhere. Peak storytelling.”
This is Akiva Schaffer’s directorial debut, and he knocked it out of the park. The real tragedy of this film was that it didn’t get enough recognition at the time, due to “Superbad” being released only two weeks later and basically overshadowing it. This is one of the best comedy movies I have ever seen, and I say that without my Andy Samberg bias. With that bias though, the movie is incredible. With a star-studded cast, a fantastic script, and some phenomenal stunt work, we genuinely have something beautiful on our hands. Also note that Chris Parnell has one of the funniest line deliveries of all time, and the whole movie is worth it for a 5 second bit.
- “Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs” (2009)
Length: 90 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 9/10
This is such a fun movie, and I think it is one of my favorite animated movies of all time. I constantly quote this movie with my friends, and this may have been the first movie I have ever cried to when I was little. I OBVIOUSLY wouldn’t do that now, that would be silly. Anyways this movie is a solid seven out of te- what? Andy “Hot Rod Popstar Palm Springs Rescue Ranger” Samberg voices Baby Brent? Never mind, nine out of ten.
- “Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2” (2013)
Length: 95 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 7/10
“Chester V is a less evil Elon Musk, and I stand by this.”
Not as good as the first, but this one has Will Forte, and that made this movie great. There are still some good jokes, but the movie is so heavily pun based, that there is a 6 minute scene just filled with them pointing at things and making puns. Also Chester V dies on screen via a bunch of sawblades and grinders. Brutal.
- “Ghostmates” (2016)
Length: 84 minutes
How to watch: Youtube
Rating: 6/10
“Smosh The Two-vie, because it’s the second one. Get it? Because it’s the second one.”
“Ghostmates” is the most oddball pick on this list, as it was a Youtube Red original back in 2016 starring Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla from the youtube channel Smosh. This movie has a good concept that could be so interestingly done, if it was acted well. Look, I am a huge fan of Smosh and I have been since I was six, and these guys have been doing comedy videos before I was even born. I have found these people and this brand to be entertaining over the years and over every change. This being said, the movie boils down to Ian Hecox being a movie star, and Anthony Padilla having the screen presence of a 8-year-old who learned to read way too late in his life. And it hurts to say that. This movie has a lot of good moments, but there are so many strange creative choices that don’t translate well. This is leagues better than their first feature film, which was only released a year prior, but we are comparing a pile of garbage to a crumpled piece of paper that slightly missed the trash can. Also T-Pain is in this and he should be awarded the key to the city for being in this.
- Kim Possible: So The Drama (2005)
Length: 71 minutes
How to watch: Disney+
Rating: 7/10
“This is actually the first movie to criticize capitalism.”
I love Kim Possible so much. I have had this movie on DVD ever since I was a young child, and it was my favorite animated movie back when I was five. However, looking back, this is at its core, a Disney Channel Original movie. It’s cheesy, it’s dumb, but it is also Kim Possible, and that is what matters. I got a couple chuckles out while watching this, and I wholeheartedly believe that the Possible family is the only trustworthy billionaire family. Anyways, stan Rufus. He’s the realest.
- “School Of Rock” (2003)
Length: 110 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: 9/10
“What if we used identity theft as a means to be cool and hip and not as a way to ruin somebody’s life via soul-crushing debt.”
I think this is Jack Black’s best movie, and that he sold this film better than anyone else could have. I had the biggest smile on my face the whole time while watching this, and I love how cute and charming it is. This is one of the best “kids” movies of all time, they just don’t make them how they used to, I guess. I have no authority on this, it came out five years before I was born and since then, movie ratings have changed and so has the whole industry, so I have no grasp on if they do, in fact, make them like they used to.
- “La La Land” (2016)
Length: 129 minutes
How to watch: Netflix (At The Time)
Rating: 10/10
“The best horror movie ever made.”
I have watched this movie three times during the month of January. And I cried each time at the end. I love this movie with all my heart, and I will never stop talking about it. I can’t even begin to start, so just please take my word for this. Watch this movie, it will change your life for better and worse.
