![On March 20, the theatre program performed their UIL One Act play Frankenstein. “I could barely believe what I heard after [it was] announced that we were advancing,” freshman Zack Williams said. “It was crazy. Being one of the only freshmen in the show and also [being] a lead definitely put pressure on my shoulders. I knew that the only thing I could do was my best, but that was until I started to think what if my best was not enough? I was feeling like I could never amount to being what [everyone else] thought I was. Although, after hearing that announcement, I realized that maybe I have something going for me after all.”
Photo courtesy of Cayden Bartolo](https://cphswolfpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Capture.png)
![Parking Lot Attendant Alan Gallagher poses next to his sign notifying that students can no longer purchase parking passes. Students without passes will not be able to park in the school parking lot, and if they do, AP’s will be notified. ““[When I catch people skipping] I notify the students AP and from there Im not sure what happens,” Gallagher said. “[I can also stop people for] speeding through the parking lot [since] the speed limit is 10 mph on campus.”](https://cphswolfpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Heidi-1-1200x800.jpg)
![Catching a ball, junior Alivia Robinson plays at the Cedar Park vs Glenn game. Having played since she was 5 years old, she is dedicated to softball and has committed to UTPB for softball. “When I got my offer it took me a very long time to decide where,” Robinson said. “Softball has always been my dream for college, and UTPB is my fit. When [I committed] I knew I was going to be loved and supported.”](https://cphswolfpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Lilly-Adams-3.13aliviaedit-901.jpg)
It’s the most wonderful time of the year – again. My second personal favorite time of the year. Christmas is about the season of giving, and there is nothing more I would love to give you than my opinions on movies that you didn’t ask for. You can find a COUPLE of good Christmas movies, but if you go to the bargain bin section of a Target you will find 80 horrible Hallmark movies that all feature the same guy. So, my gift to the CPHS community is a list of the six best Christmas movies I’ve seen, and the six worst. Once again, these aren’t in any particular order, but some are for sure better than others. Let the Christmas countdown commence, starting with the best movies.
“Home Alone 2: Lost in New York” by Chris Columbus
Length: 120 minutes
How to watch: Amazon
“How is he lost, the streets are NUMBERED.”
This is my favorite movie in the “Home Alone” franchise, and it holds a special place in my heart. If you liked the first one, just know that this time he gets more people. The Wet Bandits are back with a plot to rob the city of all the toys, so obviously it is up to Macaulay Culkin to save the day, not the 2,000 police officers in the city. Go ahead and turn your brain off, and just enjoy that jolly Christmas spirit.
“Black Mirror: White Christmas” by Carl Tibbetts
Length: 74 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
“I tried watching this, but this guy came down my street riding a horse shirtless.”
“Black Mirror” is one of my favorite anthology series of all time, I love half of it and hate the other. “Black Mirror: White Christmas” is a rollercoaster in emotion and a great sci-fi horror. Jon Hamm gives an amazing performance as just the most unlikable person and I hated him the whole time. While it isn’t the traditional Christmas movie, you should definitely give with a watch.
“The Muppet Chrismas Carol” by Brian Henson
Length: 89 minutes
How to watch: Amazon, Hulu
“Tim sure does look tiny here, Waka Wakaaa.”
It’s the Muppets doing a rendition of A Christmas Carol. There is no more that needs to be said. Five stars.
“How the Grinch Stole Christmas” by Ron Howard
Length: 104 minutes
How to watch: Amazon
“I can’t believe this is the same guy who did ‘The Truman Show’…”
This is a Christmas Classic, an absolute banger, a jolly good time, in fact. Now, I am a huge Jim Carey fan, so take this with a grain of salt when I say that he is the best actor to ever be in a Christmas movie, ever. Everybody knows the story of the Grinch, and everybody has seen it once. But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see it again. You should. You will.
“Elf” by Jon Favreau
Length: 97 minutes
How to watch: Amazon, Hulu
“You gotta be sparklejollytwinklejingley to truly understand this movie.”
“Elf,” in my opinion, is the best traditional Christmas movie. This movie is too jolly for its own good, maybe too cheerful with its happy Christmas spirit, and this is a good thing. It is my personal favorite Will Ferrel movie of all time and really deserves to be put in the Christmas Movie Hall of Fame, and maybe a statue too.
“A VHS Christmas Carol” by Corey Lubowich
Length: 42 minutes
How to watch: Youtube
“Guys, what if Scrooge was from the 80s and knew about Nintendo…”
This isn’t a standard movie, and it’s a full production of a musical. Now, even if you don’t LIKE musicals, you will still love AVHSCC. It has some of the funniest dialogue and a fantastic soundtrack to back it up. I’ve watched this every year since 2020, and I fully believe that you should too. In my last article, I didn’t get the opportunity to plug Starkid, so now I absolutely will take the chance.
Now that we got through all of that jolly holiday cheer, we can finally take a look at these horrible Hallmark movies, all of which you should watch because they are just that good – and bad.
“Deck the Heart” by Candice T. Cain
Length: 109 minutes
How to watch: Youtube, Amazon
“I wanna know what the game room looked like…”
“Deck the Heart” is the pinnacle of nearly unwatchable Christmas movies. This movie features the king of bad Christmas movies, Joe Kurak. Kurak is like if C3PO wished to be a real boy. Every single physical movement this man makes has me bursting out laughing. I’m convinced that he just learned to walk. The movie follows a man named Chris who inherits a mansion and is now supposed to host a party of 10 for his family. Naturally, since he is a busy businessman, he has no holiday cheer or spirit, so he hires a party planner and gives her a budget of $12,000. The rest is pretty formulaic, man falls for woman, woman teaches man the meaning of Christmas, smooch smooch and they stay together forever. The only thing I learned from this movie is that I need Joe Kurak to be in more movies.
“Christmas at the Holly Hotel” by Joel Paul Resig
Length: 85 minutes
How to watch: Youtube, Amazon
“So yeah, I’m out here in the cold, out of my jurisdiction, abusing my police powers. But that’s not crazy!”
Guys, my Christmas wish came early, Joe Kurak is in this movie and he plays a police officer. This movie is so cheesy, over the top, and one of the worst movies I have ever seen. This is the generic Hallmark-style Christmas movie, but now with a police officer. I can’t give much away without spoiling everything, so just trust me and give it a watch.
“No Sleep ‘Til Christmas” by Phil Traill
Length: 85 minutes
How to watch: Youtube, Amazon
“This is a middle-aged white womans ‘Scott Pilgrim V.S. The World’ and I stand by this.”
This movie made me feel like I was inside a fever dream, and I hated it and loved it so much. Nobody in this movie acts like a regular person, and everybody is insanely evil for their actions. The whole plot of the movie is that a girl with insomnia can’t sleep until she reconnects with an old friend. She is getting married and has to juggle being able to sleep in the same room as her friend, and not upset her fiance. This movie fills me with rage and I hate how stupid it is. I watch this movie every year and I love it. I am the duality of man.
“Summertime Christmas” by Andrew von Ehrenkrook
Length: 110 minutes
How to watch: Amazon
“Quick, catch that moving train at four miles per hour!”
“Summertime Christmas” takes place in the faraway land of ‘Small-Town USA’, as two elves are tasked with a special assignment from Santa Claus… to dig this down out of an economic depression and spread Christmas cheer while doing so. In this world, parents are BANNED from disciplining their children, making all kids permanently on the naughty list. This movie is for sure the most boring on the list but still has some great horrible moments.
“Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa” by Colin Slater
Length: 42 minutes
How to watch: Youtube
“Great grandma, you ALWAYS know what to say!”
You have seen this movie before. You have at least seen the ending, which means you should now see the whole thing. This movie is one of the ugliest looking things I have ever seen, and it looks like it was animated on an Atari 2600. Watch this as soon as possible if you want to laugh.
“Christmas Mail” by John Murlowsky
Length: 89 minutes
How to watch: Peacock
“I was sold on this movie when in the first five minutes, an extra couldn’t get back into the house so they just stood in the corner while staring directly into the camera.”
This is my favorite Christmas movie, and it’s horrible. It is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen, and it is just a horrible mess to look at. This movie is filled with plot holes, horrible acting, terrible editing and some of the worst writing to ever be featured in a movie. It follows a single-parent postal serviceman who finds out the girl of his dreams… also works at the post office. His boss is angry that there is more mail coming through, so he orders that every letter to Santa must be thrown away. This makes no sense for the main reason that more mail would be beneficial to the post office, but I digress. Please give this a watch, you won’t regret it.
