Assistant Principal Tracey Barrientes has recently announced that the student parking lot will be repurposed in order to create a source of income for the school so as to counteract some of the extreme budget cuts taking place. So far there are three options up for consideration: a full scale carnival, a Schlitterbahn-sponsored water park or an additional football field. All students will be required to take school buses as a result of the reduction in parking space. Barrientes made the announcement in a press conference Thursday.

“The administration has been considering various ideas all year,” Barrientes said. “While students will no longer be able to park on campus, we believe that these new opportunities will justify their sacrifice.”

The student body is divided on which of the three options will be enacted, but the mini-Schlitterbahn seems to be an early front-runner.

“I think having our own private water park would be awesome,” Jenna Erben, junior, said. “Students could stay in Cedar Park all summer instead of wasting money on a vacation. I know losing our parking space is annoying, but it’s totally worth it.”

The second runner up is the new football field. New features include a giant LED screen and cushioned bleachers, along with a full-sized café instead of a concession stand. CPHS athletes and emphatic fans are especially excited about this possibility.

“A water park and carnival would be cool, but a new football field is something we really need,” Milan Matuté, senior, said. “This would make up for the fact that we don’t have our own stadium. Our football players work so hard and they deserve it. Plus, I don’t drive to school, so losing parking space doesn’t really matter to me.”

The carnival is a favorite among teachers, who will receive special discounts and considerable influence over the layout. Callie Nagy, AP Environmental Science teacher, has plans to make the fair environmentally friendly.

“It would all be completely green, and I feel like students would really enjoy it,” Nagy said. “It would be a great alternative for upperclassmen with off periods to just going home and teachers with conference periods and nothing to do. The carnies would live on campus too, so our students would be exposed to more diverse types of people. I think it’d be a lot of fun.”

All students and faculty are encouraged to vote in the front office next week. Construction on the winning project will begin this summer and be open by the fall semester.

*This story ran in our April Fool’s issue and is a joke article